"You must be girls!" --Strongbad

I have never been so surrounded by girls until coming to PBC and living in the dorms. In my family, I am the only girl, wedged in-between two very masculine brothers; so being in a dorm with 50 other girls is very new to me. I love it. Girls are great, and because of my extremely analytical mindset I have made the following observation:

Girls think about everything.

I always thought there was something special about me because I overanalyze everything and spend hours reflecting on occurrences in my day. To my delight, I have discovered that most girls share that same quality.

It is a very complex way of thinking. It takes effort but looks effortless. What takes effort is the art of looking happy and careless on the outside when tormented by thought and confusion on the inside. Girls have mastered this ability. They only show what they want to show and strategically drop hints with the hope that someone will pick the pieces and inquire as to what is going on. Then, and only then, will the girl express what she has been holding on to and be liberated from her tormenting thoughts.

Why do girls do this? They put themselves through such an exhausting thought process and put so much effort into appearing one way just to avoid the truth about what they are feeling. When really, they want to talk about it but only to someone who really wants to listen. It is a viscous cycle and usually ends with a dramatic climax of emotion and frustration focused on whoever was not clever enough to pick up the hints.

I have decided that I will no longer do this. To be perfectly honest, I am a master at hiding emotion. I think I do this more than most other girls. I have always wondered why and have narrowed it down to being the result of my internal nature or my fear of vulnerability. Whatever the cause, I am tired of putting forth the effort it takes to hide emotion and have realized that me doing so is a form of deception. I deceive people into thinking that I am a certain way in an effort to maintain a level of secrecy.

From now on, I will be honest with myself and with the people around me. This should be interesting and I am rather anxious to see how my new found transparency will turn out.